shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
