Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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