I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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