Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
