is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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