ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need water and some morals
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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