Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
operation have a gay friend backfired
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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