people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
