haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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