Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
