I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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