guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
