So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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