Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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