he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
