I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
