a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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