I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
