and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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