He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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