I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Come share oat with me in your robe
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
