who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
