Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
