She's JV to your varsity
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize