nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
