She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
