i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
