He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
