is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
