I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
