We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
should my penis look like a turkey
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
