im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
