Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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