Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
