i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
