piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
