Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
