a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
