I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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