fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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