You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
