You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
