it's not cheating when I paid for it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
