I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
