Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize