It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
