I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
