How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
