A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
