I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
