I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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