This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
