apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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