i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
