So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
