your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude. I can hear the air.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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