Can i not drive my cunt home
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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