I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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