called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
