If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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