Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
