I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
