I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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