Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
