I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
