New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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