Don't you send me to vm
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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