So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
