Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize